Be yourself.

I have so much on my plate. But fuck, it’s motivating me to do good in school again :) School, work(starting in March), guard with Deviation, and guard instructor/tech for Solano. It could not get any better than this. This is like a preview of my future. Haha. I love it though because it’s preparing me for the real world sorta. Just living my life to its fullest, especially during my high school life. And also, it’s sorta official, me and Hash are gonna start saving up money to go to Virginia this summer to visit my mom and stepdad! YAAAAAY :D

Was a pretty fun. Picked up Jessica’s car since I couldn’t take my car and I couldn’t ride with anyone else. So I picked up Rado, Kat, and Adam. Went through a car wash for the first time, haha. And it was off to union city. The trip there was pretty confusing. We thought we were lost, but we were going to the right direction, haha. Adam kept bugging me about my driving. Anyway, when we FINALLY got to union city we went to get Tapex and L&L since we were hungry as fuck and it was already 730ish. After we ate, we went straight to Logan. Got our wristbands, and me and Adam went to go find Perpetro to get Jessica’s phone, but we ended up going to the gym to watch performances. Haha. When we got into the gym we sat right in the middle along with other Vallejo people. We were rollin’ deeeeep. Haha. I really enjoyed Oak Grove’s show, I was really amazed :) And of course, James Logan World will always be my fave<3 Perpetro performed their hearts out. Hella screaming for them. Everytime the announcer said “From vallejo, california” it would be Flo to start yelling “Ayyyyyyye!” and everyone from Vallejo joined also. Haha. That’s how we do. As Adam would say “we stay rachet.” It made me almost cry seeing all the bethel people being split up. With Bia, Danielle, and Jessica being in Perpetro and Emerald, Amy, Denise, and Larry being in Deviation, it doesn’t look right. But don’t get me wrong, I give them so much props for representing Bethel still in some way, ESPECIALLY being in World class :’) I fuckin’ miss guard, I wished I joined Deviation when I had the chance to. Ugggggggggh. ): But it is what it is. I would do anything though to join. Anyway, after all the performances we took pictures and what not. And Perpetro and the supporters/fans met up at Dennys in Vallejo. Sat in a booth with Jessica, Rado, Flo, Danielle, and Adam. Ate and just talked and laughed. I really miss guard outings. Last night was fun, but let me tell you.. it just ain’t the same without the whole Bethel guard family ): even uncle said it felt weird because not everyone was there. Sigh, but life goes on.. Perpetro and Deviation, DO IT UP BIG! Represent Vallejo :)

All you guys do not do shit. You’ll only do shit when something drastic happens, which is now. But now that everything is calmed down you go back to the same habits. You know he is not gonna be able to do the same stuff he used to do before, which breaks my heart. But you guys can’t just sit there and act everything is gonna be okay. Before, he used to do all the work, cleaning the carpets, yard work, clean the bathrooms, work to pay the house, collect bottles/cans for extra money. What now? He can barely walk w/o a walker and he is not as strong. You guys aren’t going to your part and help out? Yeah, you guys visit him in the hospital because you care and wanna take care of him. But that’s it. What about the house we all live in? Now that my grandma is always at the hospital, you guys have no food right? Go learn how to cook. So what if you don’t know how to cook anything.. there’s recipes online. Might as well use the internet for more than just fb, twitter, tumblr, etc. I try to find the time to balance out everything. You guys are not as busy as I am. Here I am, trying to look for another job so I could help out with the bills/payments, driving my grandma anywhere she needs to go, driving you guys to school, trying to find my motivation to stay in school and do go, trying to cope with everything that’s going on. There’s so much emotions I go through every day since the day my grandpa went into the hospital. You guys always find an excuse not to do something (ie. homework, cotillion practice, “no one told me to do ____”) I have homework also, hella more than yours. and you, youre out of highschool and you don’t do shit unless you’re told to. Be a fuckin’ man, you’re a fuckin’ adult now. I’m more mature than you are. Go get your fuckin GED and get a job. Learn how to fuckin’ drive so I’m not the only one driving your little siblings around. I should get gas money for all the times I’ve driven them. They’re not my concern. I’m not your fucking nanny. Don’t give me no damn attitude. You guys made everything so stressful since you guys came here. Yeah you guys have the good mentality for my grandpa, but HELLO!?!??! What about my grandma? You guys don’t give her some slack. So what if she yells at you all the time?! That means you guys need to change your fucking act and suck it up. One of these days, I swear, I’m gonna draw the line. It’ll be my fuckin’ decision to kick you guys out the house. At this rate, if you don’t find a job, and if your dad does not help out with the fuckin’ payments, I will not fuckin hesitate to kick you guys out. Once your mom and little brother are here, YOU’RE OUT. Your dad has hella money, you guys could go find a decent apartment. I don’t give a fuck about what you guys think b/c your mentality for this whole family is fucked up. I do not know what else to do. I’m stuck. I’ve already given up my passion just so I could help out. I’m already thinkin of independent study, just so I could help out. I’m giving up so much of my life, but yet, you guys can’t give up an hour or two of your lives just to help me, my grandma, and my grandpa especially. Some people..

Another side note, wear your own fucking clothes. I let you wear mine, but you throw them fuckin’ anywhere and I can’t find anything. You claim a long-sleeved black v-neck is yours, but it’s mine. So don’t be bitchin’ at me if you can’t find a certain clothing. Cause 90% of the clothes you wear and that are in our room, are MINE. So stop bitchin’ if you can’t find shit or I wanna wear the outfit your wearing. Nigga -_- oh yeah, one more thing, STOP TAKIN’ YOUR SWEET ASS TIME IN THE MORNING! shit. one of these days, i’m gonna leave you. and i’m not gonna give a fuck. cus my concern in the house is me, my grandma, and my grandpa.